Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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