when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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