you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
