Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
