Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
