dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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