names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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