if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
