Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
