Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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