this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Text me some of your sweat
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize