the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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