I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
