just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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