So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
