You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
