Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
