I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to calm my uterus...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
