Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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