you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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