his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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