I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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