we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
