My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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