his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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