I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize