I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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