My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
