I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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