Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
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