My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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