we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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