I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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