I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
