he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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