her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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