i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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