This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
soo... how was my night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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