I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
