I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
