he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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