I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
