I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
