K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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