Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
