I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
