pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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