if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
