Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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