I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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