This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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