He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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