i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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