I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
