this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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