Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
