did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
