If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
