he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
