They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
