I think im going to throw up on grandma
babies were throwing up all over the place
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
