I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
