ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
