that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
