I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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