So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize